I noticed some changes today. I think it is happening really fast. I experienced increased acne few days after I started. My voice is pretty low to begin with, but today I noticed that I was unable to reach the higher tunes without a great deal of stress on my voice. I experienced a lowering of the voice during the first half of 2006. I did’t get my hormone levels checked, as I thought it was just a ever lasting cold. But now I wonder if that may have been some sort of high testo or just a mental effect of coming to terms with my gender identity. It might even be that when I allowed myself to be the man that I am for the first time, it sparked some weired changes in my hormone levels. I guess I’ll never find out for sure.

I also thought I noticed some increase in the hair growth on my stomack, where I apply the testogel, but that seems to be just imagination. Otherwise I would end up in fur before the end of summer. But the skin in my face is really changing, and not only because of acne. All my pores seems bigger.

Today I also got my first experience of what a male sex-drive might be like. Very strange. I’ve concidered myself as male in that respect for a long time, but today was different. I felt my whatever-you’d-like-to-call-it getting hard and everything happened faster than I’m used to. It has also grown a little bit, I think, but I’m not sure.

We are four transmen at WordPress starting T roughly at the same time:

Jacky started T may 26. Today he writes of his changes, including the sex-drive.

Ryan started T may 29.

Gender Outlaw started T april 2.

And me, june 5.

It’s kind of a similar feeling as I got the first time I met someone born the same day as me. Way cool!

We have different doses and brands. I believe I’m the only one on gel?

I’m 30 y.o., Gender Outlaw is 34, Jacky is 35 and Ryan is 22.

Ryan lives in Australia, I live in Norway, Jacky in Canada and so does Gender Outlaw.

I’m very excited! This weekend will be my first trip to London. I’m invited to keep a workshop (actually a speak and reading poetry) at this fabulous festival for transart. The title of my workshop is “My body is my logo”, a quotation from Framandkar.

I’ve worked on translating a lot of my poems the past few days and realize that I should have done it a long time ago. As you may have discovered; I don’t write english flawlessly… I’m doing my best. Hopefully someone will see the need to make better translations and publish some of it in english. And actually, I’m doing better at the translations than I thought I’d do originally.

The discription of my workshop:

Those who has been reading here a while, know that the Norwegian GID-clinic has a monopoly and abuses their power. This has caused Esben Esther Pirelli Benestad, who is transgender zerself, to take action and help several people in need of treatment. Esben Esther is the best known transgender activist in Norway. Ze is now at risk of loosing zer licence to practice bacause ze helped one person to get mastectomy. This would be devastating for the norwegian transgender population, as several people are dependant of zer courage and will to help transpeople in need. I urge you to take action and sign the petition!

English translation:

I who sign this agree that:

1. Esben Esther acted on strong ethical gounds when he broke the law and that all charges should be dropped.

2. The GID-clinic’s national authority should be examined and questioned. They should only have monopoly on the surgically altering of genitals. Competent doctors should be made useful and more doctors should be taught trans-competence.

3. All gender/sex/body relted treatment should be on the gounds of the applicant, who should be treated individually. “The genuine” transsexual is a outdated theory and should be recognized as such. A variety of needs and ways of understanding gender should be included in the service of treatment.

Please sign!

I got my prescription in the mail today. I went right to a pharmacy and picked up my box filled with small packages of testogel. I’m the happiest man in the world!

Pictures can be seen at my norwegian blog.

Jacky and Ryan writes about how it shouldn’t matter if being queer or trans is a choice. And I agree. His bottom line is this:

I’m not that concerned about the WHY of things. I am more concerned with my life as it is right now.
Why I’m trans doesn’t matter. Whether or not its a product of nature, or nurture, or just a particularly convincing delusion I am under, it really doesn’t matter.
My choice is all that matters.

There’s nothing wrong with being queer… so why does it matter if I choose this path?

We choose to act or not to act. I’m not concerned either about the why. It also reminds me of something the psychiatrist at the GID-clinic said. They were not convinced that my gender identity will stay male. I am convinced, of course, but that doesn’t matter to them. And who can predict anything about the future with certainty? Me neither.

But if I choose to change my body to make it look more male, I know that will feel better than to have a female body. I never wanted a female body, I just accepted it as my destiny for far too long. I can’t imagine that I’ll ever want that body back, but if so, I should be mature enough to take responsibility for my own actions. Judging from my experiences, that won’t be a problem. Feelings of regret are almost non-existant in my life so far. Not because I’ve always taken the best decisions, but because I’m able to see that I didn’t have the means to handle the situation  better at the time. I intend to keep it that way.

What I care about is making the best possible decisions today so that I can have a better life in the future. And, yes, it should be mine to make.

I’ve given into the pressure and decided to watch the Eurovision Song Contest. Especially since all my friends see it and nothing fun is going to happen anyway.

I was struck by the genderbending aspects of the opening show: First a person I would presume was FTM in a suit and a person I presumed was some kind of biological man in a wedding dress. Then the dress goes off and reveals a woman in a suit. For most of the song, the singer (”FTMish”) is surrounded by dancing women in half black suits, half white dress. It gives the impression that they are half men, half women. And the coreography makes it seem that they change - one minute female, the next male. I loved it!

Romania’s outfit could have been used in the sixties too, and the song too. Nothing surprising there. Boring.

UK has a disco beat. Refreshing. And I definately like the male singer moving his hips! Its also positive that the singer isn’t white.

Albania is the origin of “the sworn virgins”, but you couldn’t tell from the show. Female singer with beautiful black outfit, like a cape behind her. Although I don’t like the naked stomack.

Eurovision 2008 Germany - No Angels - Disappear (Live)

Germany has a all woman’s group who sings false and tries very hard to be sexy. The readhead looks really crazy! It’s really terrible!

Armenia has male dancers, wich is always a good thing. They could’ve had less clothes though. The female singer reminds me of Gina G some years back. Trying to be very sexy, but wasted on a gay guy like me.

Bosnia Herzegovina: Very strange indeed. Lots of brides, a male singer rising from the laundry, looking totally mad in a 70s kind of way. In norwegian ears it sounds like they’re singing “rumpa di” (your ass).

Eurovision 2008 Israel Boaz Mauda -Ke’ilo Kan 1st semi-final

Israel: Very good looking male singer. Unfortunately he misses some notes, but his singing improves fast. Good looking male dancers as well, even if they have too much clothes and the coreography doesn’t impress me.

Teräsbetoni (Eurovision 2008 Finnish Representative)

Finland: I watched them in the semi final. It’s definately more my kind of music! In addition I’m known for my soft spot for guys with black clothes and long hair. They would certainly appeal to the SM-people, and although I’m not into that, I do like slim leather trousers…

Croatia: Breaking the invisible ageist line with their 75 y.o. singer. I don’t have much knowledge of traditional music, but it does sound like tango. The costumes are really not bending gender in any ways, the men are too old for me and I don’t like that kind of music very much.

Poland: Following the Eurovision norm with a long dress, violins and blonde, female singer. I’m still not sure wether she sings in her nativ english/american language or polish. Ok, it might be english.

Iceland: If he’s not gay, then I’m a table. Or it could just be that Eurovision could turn the straightest guy into a flaming queen. Typically nordic looks on both of them. Despite the dance-beat, they look very gender normative. And their sining is not the best.

Turkey: Is supposed to be about expressing one’s unikeness, but they don’t look accordingly. They remind me of the norwegian DDE in a strange way, especially the one on the left, but with better music. I’d really like to see more of the guy to the right. He seems cool.

The hosts are as usual very normative, but the female reporter behind the scene shows some balls. You go girl!

Portugal: Breaks the invisible weight-limit of the show, but is otherwise very traditional. And boring. Oh my God! One of the women in the choir seems to be naked under the draperies. I can see why covering the body can be more sexy than showing.

Latvia ESC 2008, Pirates of the sea, Wolves of the sea

Latvia: Pirates looking strangely 80s. A really bad song, but nice costumes. One of the reasons I like pirates is that male pirates for some strange reason tend to wear eye make-up. Another one of my soft spots.

Sweden: Looks somehow very swedish. Is it the shortest dress of this year’s show? Also reminds me of Gina G. Very shiny. I wish they’d included male dancers with just as minimal clothing, but no. Think it’s playing with the gayness of the whole thing, with the allegories to Gloria Gaynor’s “I will survive”.

Eurovision 2008 Denmark - Simon Mathew - All night long

Denmark: Definately my kind of guy. Maybe I do have to take a trip to Denmark? Certainly if he’s representative of the danish men. Unfortunately, the song is quite boring. His enthusiasm doesn’t manage to cover it up. Great stage performance.

Georgia: The blind girl that Immanuel wrote about some days ago. Really cool costumes! I like her dark voice. I wish she’d sung a better song, more suiting for her special voice.

Ukraine: Another GinaG lookalike. It’s getting tiresome. Plus for informing about HIV and AIDS offstage, but it doesn’t help when she’s on stage. And the dancers look like the guys next door.

I like the silky look of the host’s suit.

France: WOW! Women with beards! I like! Otherwise it really sucks. Minimal movement on stage, not the best looking singer (understatement). I was about to turn off the sound when it was over. I didn’t notice the helium-voice. Could be seen as a way of bending gender.

Azerbaijan: Ah! I like men with wings and glitter in their hair, singing in falsetto. This must be the country separating most from my expectations. Of course I would like the men to have a lot less clothes. It was kind of tacky anyway.

Eurovision 2008 Greece - Kalomira - Secret Combination (HQ)

Greece: Oh no. Pink dress and men in suits. I’m sure she thinks it makes her look more innocent and in line with the text. But it doesn’t. It didn’t get better when most of the pink fabric was taken off. Sorry. She’s really desperate trying to be sexy. Trashy.

Spain: It looks like the “guitar” my daughter has. Oh no! What is it about Spain producing stupid songs, perfect to acompany totally drunk norwegians on vacation in the mediterranien? I guess we can blame ourselves… And extremly gender normative, although I see the recemblance with a drag king.

Serbia: Somehow the hosting country always makes sure they won’t win again, bacause that would be too expensive. This is no exception. There was some false notes in the beginning, and not just there. It reminds me of the last time Norway won with a sensitive female voice and a violin. No attempts to bend gender in any way.

Dima Bilan - Believing

Russia: I know someone who very likely loves this song. But it’s not my cup of tea. He could practice his english some more. Plus for opening his shirt!

Norway: Maybe we could have the Eurosong in Tromsø instead of the Olympics in 2018? 9 years left to try to win this one. Cause it won’t happen this time. Boring dress, a voice that’s not stong enough and sounds kind of nervous at the beginning. I get the feeling I’ve heard this song a thousand times before. I guess I have. Sigh. On top of all the songs that sounds very similar.

Is it my false impression or am I getting more and more critical as the show goes on? I’m bored I guess.

It’s time for voting, but I won’t. I’m never in line with the majority, and spending money on it will only make me more frustrated that the song that wins isn’t one that I like. After all, I wouldn’t know wich one to vote for anyway.

Conclusion: There is some genderbending going on in the Eurovision. The most terrible songs tend to be very gender normative. That does not mean that the best songs are the most genderbending, unfortunately. The bearded women from France won the genderbending trofee, but the song did not match.

And Russia won. Very romantic. And his performance after the result was ready was an improvement. It’s a shame I’m not very romantic.

I don’t think this should be necessary. Basically it just explains that common sense also applies to interacting with transgender people. But it seems that especially journalists have a hard time with social rules, so I’ll post it anyway.

Please, do not try to print any of my former names! And I’m getting sick of being asked about that. Some time in the future, when everyone can see that those names don’t fit, I’ll tell everyone without hesitating, but for now, I don’t feel comfortable with even hearing them, and really ain’t able to get them over my lips.

Thank you!

How to Respect a Transgender Person

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

If you have recently learned of a transgender person in your life, you might not understand their identity and you may be unsure of how to act around them without offending or hurting their feelings. The term “transgender person” in this article means a person who does not fully identify with the gender they were assigned with at birth. There are transgender people all over the world (e.g. US, Mexico,[1] India[2]) and in a wide variety of cultures (e.g. Native American,[3] Thai[4]). For such people, it is not always easy to explain their gender situation in today’s society. Here’s how to understand and respect someone who challenges your ideas about gender, and who does not easily fall within the category of “male” or “female”.

Steps

1. Thank them. It is very hard to come out to people as transgender. They trust and/or respect you very much to have come out to you. Thank them for trusting you; it will mean a lot to them, because you mean a lot to them.
2. Respect their gender identity. Think of them as the gender they refer to themselves as and refer to them with their chosen name and gender pronoun (regardless of their physical appearance) from now on. (Unless they are not out, or tell you otherwise. Ask to be sure if or when there are times it is not okay.)
3. Watch your past tense. When talking of the past don’t use phrases like “when you were a previous gender” or “born a man/woman,” because many transgender people feel they have always been the gender they have come out to you as, but had to hide it for whatever reasons. Ask the transgender person how they would like to be referred to in the past tense. One solution is to avoid referencing gender when talking about the past by using other frames of reference, for instance “Last year”, “When you were a child”, “When you were in high school”, etc. If you must reference the gender transition when talking about the past, say “before you came out as current gender“, or “Before you began transitioning” (if applicable).
4. Use language appropriate to the person’s gender. Ask what pronouns the transgender person prefers to have used in reference to them and respect that choice. For example, someone who identifies as a woman may prefer feminine words and pronouns like she, her, actress, waitress, etc. A person who identifies as a man may prefer masculine terms like he, his, etc. Other transgender people may prefer that you avoid the use of “gendered” language by using gender neutral pronouns such as ze, zir, sie, hir, etc.[5] Use the name they ask you to use.
   • Your friend Jack has just come out as a transgender person, and now wishes to be called Mary. From this point on, you do not say “This is my friend Jack, I’ve known him since grade school.” Instead, you say, “This is my friend Mary, I’ve known her since grade school.” Table any awkwardness you feel for another time when you and Mary can talk privately. Definitely, if you want to remain friends, you will need to respect Mary’s wishes and address her as who she is today, not the person you used to know.
5. Don’t be afraid to ask. Many transgender people will be happy to answer most questions, and glad you are taking an interest in their life. Don’t expect the transgender person to be your sole educator. It is your responsibility to inform yourself. EXCEPTION: Questions about genitalia, surgeries, and former names should usually only be asked if you NEED to know in order to provide medical care, are in a sexual relationship with the transgender person, or need the former name for legal documentation.
6. Respect the transgender person’s need for privacy. Do not out them without express permission. Telling people you are transgender is a very difficult decision, not made lightly. “Outing” them without their permission is a betrayal of trust and could possibly cost you your relationship with them. It may also put them at risk, depending on the situation, of losing a lot - or even being harmed. They will tell those they want to, if or when they are ready.
7. Don’t assume what the person’s experience is. There are many different ways in which differences in gender identity are expressed. The idea of being “trapped in a man/woman’s body”, the belief that trans women are hyperfeminine/trans men are hypermasculine, and the belief that all trans people will seek hormones and surgery are all stereotypes that apply to some people and not to others. Be guided by what the person tells you about their own situation, and listen without preconceived notions. Do not impose theories you may have learned, or assume that the experience of other trans people you may know or have heard of is the same as that of the person in front of you.
8. Recognize the difference between gender identity and sexuality. Do not assume that their gender has anything to do with sexuality -it doesn’t. There are straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and asexual transgender people, just as there are non-transgender people of all orientations. If the person comes out to you about their sexual orientation, use the terms they use.
9. Treat them the same. While they may appreciate your extra attention to them, they don’t particularly appreciate you making a big deal of them. After you are well-informed, make sure you’re not going overboard. Transgender people have essentially the same personalities as they did before coming out. Treat them as you would anybody else.

Tips

• This condition is known medically as Gender Dysphoria, but there is much contention about this issue. Some believe the problem lies in society’s refusal to acknowledge the variations of sex and gender present in nature (including human beings).
• Asking about peoples’ genitals and how they have sex is not appropriate, in the same way that asking cisgendered (people born in the sex they identify as) people how they have sex is not appropriate.
• It’s rude to ask what their “real” name or birth name was — the name they have chosen to suit their gender (if they have done so) is their real name, and they want you to think of them that way. Asking about past names only puts them on the spot, and you don’t need to know it.
• Everyone is different and most transgender people will be glad to answer any questions - but if they are uncomfortable answering, or don’t want to, then let it go. If you need to know, use the resources below.
• Not all transgender people get a sex change (SRS, or Sexual Reassignment Surgery or gender confirmation surgery), so don’t automatically think that is the plan. Don’t assume that it’s appropriate to ask about a person’s plans for surgery, hormones, and so forth, any more than you would pry into someone else’s medical affairs.
• If you slip up early on and say “she” or “he” when you meant the other, don’t apologize too much, just follow the mistake with the right term and continue what you were saying.
• There is no “cure” for being transgender, except to correct the physical appearance to match the mental gender identity. There is a problem with the body, not the mind.
• Websites like PlanetOut or MySpace have transgender groups, or other sections for transgender people; go to them to talk to people or learn more.

Warnings

• Do not call their transsexuality or transgenderness a “choice.” Whether you believe it is a choice or not, transgender people themselves generally do not feel that it is a choice. If you want to respect them, it’s not helpful to treat their situation as a choice (even if you personally believe it is).
• Do not compare them to a non-transgender person by calling that person a “real” or “normal” girl/boy. What makes a man a “real” man or a woman a “real” woman is their mind/brain, not their body. A transman is no less a real man and a transwoman is no less a real woman; the only difference is that their body does not match their gender.
• Never tell them that people will not understand or love them because they were not born the right gender outside. It hurts very badly, and is not true. Many, if not most, transgender people are understood, accepted and loved.
• Even if you have objections to transgenderedness, you should always respect the person and never willfully embarrass them publicly. Embarrassing or humiliating the person does no good for anyone.
• Avoid the use of pornography industry phrases like “tranny” and “shemale.” These terms are considered very offensive, as they imply a connection between the person you are talking to and pornography. Also avoid mainstream heteronormative terms like “he-she.”
• “Intersex” is a general term used for a variety of conditions in which a person is born with reproductive and/or sexual anatomy that doesn’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male, [6] While some intersex people are also transgender, the two are not the same and should not be conflated. [7]

Related wikiHows

• How to Accept That Someone Close to You Is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender
• How to Come to Terms With Being Transgender As a Teen
• How to Have Respect for Yourself
• How to Observe the Day of Silence
• How to Be Respectful of Your Family
• How to Date a Bisexual

Sources and Citations

• Demonstrating Respect by Chloe Prince

1. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muxe
2. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hijra_%28South_Asia%29
3. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winkte
4. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kathoey
5. ↑ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_pronoun#New_pronouns_in_English
6. ↑ http://www.isna.org/faq/what_is_intersex
7. ↑ http://www.survivorproject.org/is-intro.html

Article provided by wikiHow, a collaborative writing project to build the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Respect a Transgender Person. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

In my search for alternative ways of getting the treatment I need, I stumbled across this interview with a Finnish transsexual woman. She speaks about how different genders behave differently, and her observations are really interesting.

Antony and the Johnsons - My Lady Story (live)

I’m officially disordered

not otherwise specified

a specie?

a speciment for studying

a specie not otherwise specified

It’s a man’s world

that I’m not part of

a woman’s world

where I reached the point of no return

a long time ago

not long enough

My first poem originally written in english since I left school. If it qualifies as a poem. Maybe it’s a text not otherwise specified?