The 21th Biennal Symposium of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) is held in Oslo June 17.-20. LLH has taken initiative to gather all the transpeople attending the conference. Time: Thursday June 18th at 6 pm Place: Nordal Bruns gate 22, central Oslo

Agenda
Presentation of participants (short)
Open discussion of following topics:

I am afraid that this meeting can just scratch the surface of these topics, but hopefully we will be able to keep in contact during the conference and after to continue discussion. I know a lot of us will be very busy during these days, so we should do our best to keep the meeting short (1-2 hours).

Tu t’es réveillé tandis que je rêvais
tu as vu un homme allongé à tes côtés
tu t’es retourné pour pouvoir oublier
que tu m’avais vu
Nue

Dans les livres les hommes étaient désirés par les femmes
pourtant ce sentiment de quelque chose d’interdit et de différent
plus grand que ce bouton où je pouvais presser mon doigt
et me masturber jusqu’à ce que
j’oublie

Quand je viens dans ton lit
je suis un homme étranger
je suis un autre
cet un
cet un sexe
tu te retournes

J’ai des escargots dans les mains
corps doux avec ovaries et sperme
dans une coquille
comme j’ai deux sexes dans mon crâne
un au passé
un au futur

Je me suis
fait un nom
Mon corps est
mon logo

Ces poems est de ma livre, “Framandkar”(L’etrangér), en Norvége. Merci à Isabelle pour la translation. C’etait longtemps j’ecrit francaise. Je comprend seulment un peut.

First youtube video

It is kind of funny, but I guess I have a strange sense of humour.

I recently got a letter from the GID clinic explaining that they have done nothing wrong in denying me diagnosis and treatment. They still won’t accept me as a man. As expected, but still a bad christmas gift.

I am visiting my parents’ and today I went to church with them. My father is a reverend out in the countryside. After church, a woman came up to me and said “You must be the reverend’s son. You look so much like him” and introduced herself.

Later, while I was outside smoking, a man walking his dog stopped and started talking to me. I soon realised that he was mistaking me for my father, but had only seen him at a distance.

I feel like I am at a turning point. It is still more important to me to be seen as male, than vanity regarding my age. But I feel that it is about to change. I know I look a lot like my father, but I am not happy to be mistaken for him. After all he is 24 years older. I guess the man didn’t know that. At least I hope so.

(I am not very fond of  the word passing and usually use it in an ironic sense.)

I have spent the past week in Italy. My publishing house rents two appartments in Terracina, a small town between Rome and Napoli. The authors can spend a week here for free. Travel expences are not included, of course.

Terracina is great in the summer, I have heard. Here is a nice beach and a pittoresque old village. This week, on the other hand, in the middle of the winter, it has been raining most of the time, with thunder and lightening.

We spent most of the time indoors. The appartment is in itself an historical site; originally a monastery with paintings on the walls from the 18th century.

But you can’t stay one hour from Rome without wisiting. So we went on a one day trip. Originally, we planned to see the Vatican museum and Colosseum. Of course that was too ambitious. We didn’t have time for more than the Vatican museum.

Walking through the halls filled with art and artefacts from all times, I got kind of numb. The roman statues made the most impression, because they have very small penises, kind of the results of metoidioplasty. On some of the statues, the sexual organs are actually gone, leaving a hole in the marble where they used to be. Very trans-ish.

Last night I recieved a literary award called the Blix-award for my book. It is my first award. It goes to an outstanding author living in nothern Norway writing in “nynorsk” (”new Norwegian”), preferrably young or writing for youth. I’m really flattered and proud!

I’m reading an analysis of Leonora Carringtons self-portraits by Sissel Lie. The first portrait is the best known:

The last is less known, but it is the focus of my text:

The androgyny in Carringtons paintings is well known. In her first self portrait, we see a hyena that mirrors the artist. The hyena was believed to be intersex because of the large clitoris of the female hyena.

In her last self portrait we see the femaleness abandoned. Carrington has left her draperies, her hat. All that is left is a coatrack. The walking stick is a sign that the femaleness had a limp. Because the person inside might have really been male?

The title is important. What could an orthopedic black tie mean? There is of course no such thing. If you get an invitatian that says “black tie”, it is a dresscode. “Orthopedic” is often used about shoes. Orthopedic shoes is made especially for people who have trouble with their feet.

An orthopedic black tie could then be something that helps you with your presentation. Is the item in the painting? No. Neither is Carrington hirself. My guess is that hir has escaped the femaleness, abandoned it, because hir now has an orthopedic back tie.

It reminds me of “Philosophy in the budoir” by Rene Magritte:

While Carringtons femaleness is abandoned, the one in Magrittes budoir waits for someone to get dressed in it.

I love both paintings because they visualize femaleness as something that one dresses in, a mask, a cherade. Something that can be taken off and hidden in a closet, left out in the desert where I feel that it belongs. Unfortunately, one cannot undress one’s breasts for real…

Disclaimer: I have no art education what so ever. My interpretation might be wrong because I don’t know very much about art. All I know, and what is important to me, is how the art speaks to me and how they make sense to me.

Read also a poem in Norwegian written to “The broken column” by Frida Kahlo.

It is supposed to be the best in the world. I you get sick, you have the right to treatment and only have to pay little of it. If you pay most of the travel, you can choose hospital. Unless you have an illness that is rare. Then it is only possible to get treatment at one place. There might be just one doctor in the country who is allowed to treat you. So what if ze doesn’t want to treat you? Then you are screwed.

Private health services are increasing in Norway, but they are not allowed to treat transsexualism. If you get treatment, you get it from surgeons with less experience than in most countries, bacause Norway is a small one.

The social security will cover surgery if you have breast cancer and need new boobs. They will not cover removing what is left.

If your back hurts because of big breasts, you can get the surgery to reduce them covered, as long as there is still something left. If your back hurts because you are trying to hide your breasts bacause you want to be seen as the man you identify as, the surgery will not be covered. Unless you are one of the lucky ones who get along with the only doctor in Norway who is allowed to affirm manhood.

Today I’ve been on testosterone for five months. I will have a really hard time gettng the surgery that I need. I am just a poor writer. I guess I just have to trust the state lottery to win the fortune I need for surgery.

I took the interview at excloset.wordpress.com, so now you can read about my coming out at http://excloset.wordpress.com/2008/10/10/tarald-stein/

At least in my testosterone levels, way more than normal for a nontrans-man. That may explain why I got my period back when I increased my testosterone to full dose. So I decided to reduce my dose by half. I also got thyroid problems again. I got hyperthyreosis after I gave birth to my daughter four years ago, got treatment and was pronounced well again two years ago.

I fear that the endocrinologist will tell me to stop T. I have no intention to do that.

I’ve now been on T for 4 months and 4 days. My body is a lot hairier, but very little in the face. My hairline is not withdrawing. I don’t want to loose my hair, just want to have a male hairline. My facial skin is rougher and makes me look more male.

The only doctor who could help me get my operations has got a warning from the health authorities and may loose his license if he continues to help people. I’m very sad because of this. Now my only hope is that my complaint against the GID-clinic will be heard, by the same authorities who believe in two and only two genders/sexes and that to remove breasts is a sin against humanity. Or something similar. I don’t understand their “reasoning”.